One of the most devastating moments during the Ohio season of Love is Blind was when it was revealed in the finale (28:01) that Devonta chose not to go to the altar with Brittany, opting instead to just continue dating. While the decision wasn’t surprising given the unresolved issues between them including whether to enter into a prenuptial agreement (a topic I explored last week), the emotional disconnect between them was obvious. And unsettling.
In one confessional, Brittany says, “Our story’s not over, whether that’s marriage now or marriage later. We are going to be husband and wife one day.” But Devonte tells the cameras that Brittany is a “shadow” he wants to get away from sometimes, and that he doesn’t want to keep “dragging the relationship down the road if it’s not going to work out.” By the time of the reunion one year later, they had broken up and Devonta had moved on, becoming engaged and expecting a child with his new partner. For Brittany who was so devoted to Devonta that she even said, “I was willing to make adjustments to what I believe,” this breakup must have hurt.
Jenine Lori is a personal development expert with Bloom Family Law’s Soul Compass Divorce Program. She describes the dynamic between Devonta and Brittany as “one who is anchored in reality (‘I’m not there yet’) and one who is anchored in potential (‘We’ll get there one day’)” and says that “this gap can keep someone emotionally invested in a fantasy for a long time.” As a renowned Inner-Child Specialist, Jenine believes that inner child work can play a key role in healing the wounds that result from this kind of dynamic.
I’ve heard references to inner child work a lot, both from my own therapist and friends who are doing inner child work themselves. But what does it actually mean in practice?
Inner child work is the process of understanding why certain emotional experiences, especially in the context of relationships, feel so emotionally intense. When something like distance, rejection, or uncertainty shows up, it’s often not just about the present moment—it’s activating earlier emotional imprints around feeling unchosen, unsafe, or not enough.
Those younger parts of us learned what love feels like and what we have to do to keep it. In adult relationships, those patterns can resurface automatically. The work is becoming aware of when that’s happening, so we can respond from a more present, grounded self instead of reacting from those earlier wounds. This happens through uncovering an awareness of our deeper emotional wounds and how they're showing up in our lives.
What kind of person would benefit from inner child work? Do you recommend that everyone try it?
Most people can benefit, but it’s especially impactful for those who notice patterns like overgiving, struggling with boundaries, feeling anxious in relationships, or staying in situations where there isn’t equal investment.
These patterns usually aren’t random—they’re rooted in what once felt familiar. Inner child work helps shift from repeating those dynamics to consciously choosing differently.
If Brittany were to come to you for help while she was still in this relationship, how would you coach her in the relationship dynamic shown here?
Being described as “a shadow” suggests she may be losing parts of herself in order to maintain the relationship—adapting, minimizing, or over-accommodating.
From an inner child perspective, this often comes from early experiences where:
-Love felt conditional
-It felt safer to be agreeable than fully expressed
-There was a fear that having needs or being “too much” could lead to disconnection
So the focus wouldn’t be on fixing the relationship first—it would be helping her reconnect to herself by asking: What does she actually want and need? Where is she overriding herself to keep him? What is she afraid would happen if she showed up more fully?
Because if the relationship only works when she’s a “shadow,” it isn’t truly meeting her authentically —it’s meeting a version of her that had to be created to feel safe.
How would you support someone like Brittany after the breakup if she wasn’t yet ready to let go?
I wouldn’t push her to move on before she’s ready. When letting go feels this hard, it’s usually because the relationship represents more than just the person—it holds the hope of finally feeling chosen, secure, or enough. I would help her gently explore what she’s actually attached to: Is it him, or what she hoped to feel through him?
Often there’s a younger part that believes, “If I can just get this person to fully choose me, it will resolve something deeper.” That’s why it can feel so difficult to release.
The work becomes helping her separate those two things—so she can begin meeting those emotional needs internally rather than waiting for someone else to fulfill them. That’s what creates real closure and stability.
What advice do you have for people in Brittany’s position?
If you feel like you’re the one holding the relationship together, it’s important to ask: am I choosing this, or am I trying to earn it?
That drive to prove, wait, or hope often comes from a much younger belief that love requires unreasonable effort to secure or maintain.
A helpful check-in is: Does this dynamic feel familiar—not just with this person, but in my body overall? If it does, it’s often a sign that something deeper is being activated. The shift isn’t just about choosing a different partner—it’s about healing the part of you that equates love with uncertainty or imbalance.
What kind of changes can someone who does inner child work begin to see?
Inner child work helps bring awareness to why it’s so hard to let go of potential—because for a younger part, it doesn’t just feel like hope, it feels like the chance to finally resolve something unfinished that still feels painful.
The real shift happens when you can stay grounded in what’s actually being shown in the present, while also caring for the part of you that still longs for something more. Despite the challenges, breakups and relational discomfort offer rich opportunities to heal our wounded parts—if we’re willing to explore the deeper emotional triggers underneath them.
Like Brittany, I have also been in relationships (both romantic and platonic) that I held onto for far too long, even when it was clear we were not aligned in what the relationship meant to us. I was stuck in the pattern of giving into the pull to stay, to hope, and to interpret potential as promise. Though I always felt free after finally letting go, it wasn’t without pain, and these relationships left scars that carried into my subsequent relationships (thank you to therapy, my husband, and dear friends for helping me heal).
From a family law perspective, dynamics like the one between Brittany and Devonte often surface at the point of divorce, when you’re not only navigating complex legal decisions but also untangling deep emotional attachments. Based on Jenine’s expertise, I’ve learned that inner child work could shape how you move through the divorce process. More importantly, it could influence the choices you make before a relationship reaches the breaking point.
For more information on inner child work and how it can support you through a breakup or divorce, reach out to Bloom Family Law and Jenine today!
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