Now that we’ve come to the end of Season 9 of Love is Blind, the family law attorney in me can’t help but think that Netflix needs to make all of their engaged couples have the “prenup talk,” the talk to decide whether or not you want to have a prenup before getting married. Those who religiously watch the show with me are probably sick and tired of me ranting and raving about prenups every time a couple on the screen talks about money, but I can’t stress enough the importance of having the prenup talk.
There is a misconception that you don’t need to contemplate a prenup because you have no assets to protect or because you don’t think you’ll ever divorce. But a prenup is not only about what would happen to your assets you have right now if you get a divorce. It’s also about how you will deal with your finances during the marriage, and the prenup talk can trigger a meaningful discussion with your partner about your shared financial values and goals.
Take a look at Season 9’s Ali and Anton. Ali is a nurse, who is about to return to school and temporarily be with reduced income. Anton is in transportation logistics. In Episode 8, during a casual conversation about finances, Anton says he wants to have one joint account, and while Ali agrees to a joint account, she wants a separate, individual account as well. When Anton presses for a reason, Ali half-jokes, “Maybe I don’t want you to know how much I spend on Botox.” While this line landed as a lighthearted comment and I admit, I did chuckle at first, the underlying shame, defensiveness, and judgment I saw really bothered me.
Let’s talk about Ali’s wish for a separate bank account first. Ali’s wish is not unusual. A growing number of couples opt for the hybrid approach in a prenup: shared accounts for shared bills and goals, and individual accounts for personal spending. For women in particular, separate accounts represent autonomy and protection, which could be a response to historical patterns in which women were financially dependent or excluded from money decisions. It was only in 1974 when women were allowed, at the federal level, to open their own bank accounts. A prenup can protect both your separate account and shared goals.
But Anton’s reaction to Ali’s wish carried judgment that did not have to be there. For him, the starting point is what he wants and the onus is on Ali to convince him to consider what she wants, rather than it being a mutual decision. If this conversation were free from judgment, perhaps Ali would have felt comfortable enough to open up more about why a separate bank account is important to her.
“Financial stressors around spending and savings habits, along with differences in risk aversiveness when looking at investing, are a large reason why partners end up resenting each other," says Katie Padilla, Founder of Bloom Family Law. "When becoming financially intertwined, it's incredibly prudent to have an open and candid discussion about what would make each person feel financially safe and secure in a relationship, while also honoring what you are intending to accomplish financially through this union. Without a road map and plan, many people's unconscious fears around money could create hurdles in a partnership that seem insurmountable by the time the conversation is even initially broached out of necessity. This creates a breeding ground for scarcity based thinking; at this point, the danger is front and center and not just an ideological construct that can feel safer for people to work through."
Prenup talks trigger more than numbers. They trigger family trauma, fear, and egos. Maybe you grew up with a scarcity mindset and feel anxious about spending, or maybe you come into marriage with debt you’re ashamed to disclose. On the other hand, if done well, the prenup talk creates a space to talk about your values and priorities, to name your fears, and to explore mutually acceptable solutions, whether that’s separate accounts, debt allocation, or protections for future earnings and business interests. For Love is Blind couples, who have roughly one month to get to know each other and decide whether to get married, the prenup talk is a great way to dig deeper into their past, present, and future, and create a better chance that they’ll say “I do” at the altar.
At Bloom Family Law, we approach prenups as a tool for long-term relationship health, an opportunity for couples to build transparency and trust from the start, and to create a financial framework that supports the partnership you’re hoping to grow. The Ali-and-Anton exchange is a reminder that unaddressed money issues can bleed into your relationship and eventually lead you to experience the opposite side of the work I do: divorce, where I often hear clients say that a main reason behind their decision to divorce is the lack of financial transparency. So, I hope every time you watch a new season of Love is Blind, you’ll think about your own relationship and how the prenup talk can make it stronger. And Netflix, if you’re listening, I hope I’ll see more prenup talks in Season 10!
Share